Where Are You Christmas?

I awake to the sound of my phone alarm going off for the third time so I begrudgingly get out of bed. It’s December 25th, also known as Christmas day. Now I don’t mean to sound like the Grinch but today is just another day of the week for me. However I haven’t always felt this way, let’s rewind back to seven year old me. I awake barely having slept all night due to excitement. I run downstairs to see presents piled under the Christmas tree. Of course I was always the first to wake and too impatient to wait for my siblings. I would run to all their rooms waking them up myself. Once everyone was awake my mom would make cinnamon buns and we would watch the parade on T.V. I know it sounds like a movie right? Fast forward to twenty-one year old me living away from home waking up mid afternoon and traveling to my parents house. Once I arrive there I’ll see a pile of presents under the tree all marked for my nieces and nephews. I know it’s not about the presents and I love to see their faces light up when they open theirs. As I watch the joy in their faces I can’t help but feel sad knowing that one day they too will turn into the pessimistic adult I am today. As I get older each year I feel my holiday spirit slipping away. You start to realize that you may not have money to buy presents or if you’re in school all you can think about are finals rather than relaxing by a fire place. It’s not just Christmas either, it’s other holidays too such as Halloween. Once you hit a certain age it’s no longer acceptable for you to run around in a costume collecting candy. Just like now it would be weird if I waited to sit on Santa’s lap. The people around you no longer asking what you will be for Halloween or what you want for Christmas. We’re adults and we need to do adult things. I really wish I could fill myself with holiday cheer but I feel like I’m just going to have to settle for nostalgia and memories. Maybe I need my ghost of Christmas past to come and remind me not to be a Scrooge. I guess at a certain point in time we all wish to rewind the clocks and go back to when things were simple, before finding out that Santa isn’t real, there’s more on T.V then just cartoons and people won’t give you candy for dressing like a princess. As my imagination fades and reality takes over I find myself struggling to feel the joy I once did as a child.

-Melanie S.

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