Letter to My Parents

“I’m trying to tell you how I feel.” She screamed.

“You’re overreacting.” Her mom responded.

“Overreacting? This is what I’m talking about; this is exactly what I try to tell you. You’re impossible to talk to.”

“What? I hear you.”

“Do you really hear me?” She said as she walked away.

She went into her room and shoved her head into her pillow to cry, screaming inside the cotton filled case. She decided to shower and let the warm water wash away the tears. She figured she could cry and yearn all she wanted in there without anyone bothering her.

She un-dressed; her naked body stepping into the dripping hot water. She crouched down so that her butt hit the cold tile of her shower, the palms of her hands pressed into her eyes as she wept. Her body convulsed in agony with uncontrollable tears.

She let the rest of her body collapse onto the floor, until the tears subsided. She reached a point where she was no longer crying, but left somehow unable to move. Her body sat, frozen, the steam of the hot water rising around her. She was all out of tears at the moment; all she could do was stare. She watched the steam bounce between the wall and the sliding glass door of the bathtub.

Her eyes found the razor that was lying at the corner of the tiled floor. She looked at the razor and back at her wrist; her skinny, dainty, smooth wrists. How lovely and how untouched, she thought, staring at the blue veins pushing out from behind her skin.

She picked it up and brushed it against her skin, lightly. She pushed out the blade and held it in her hand. She cried some more, it felt like all of her was flooding out.

Her body ached, it felt as though her insides were filled with broken pieces stabbing to be let out. She clutched her stomach in the midst of her ceaseless cries.

She looked back down at the blade and back at her wrist, her eyes dancing between both.

She stood up and stepped out of her shower, wrapping herself with a towel. She walked back to her room and jotted down a few things on a piece of paper that she had ripped out from a notebook.

The hot water still running.

She put the pen down and walked back to the bathroom, stepping back in and returning to her previous position.

She picked up the blade once more and took a deep breath.

And on her desk was a piece of paper that read:

Letter to my parents,

I was in pain,

And you didn’t hear me.

No one could.

The water continued to drip.

– Danielle Sheehan

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If you or anyone you know are feeling, sad, lost or confused, please know that there is always someone who cares and wants to hear you. There is always someone who can relate, so please seek help to US, or ANYONE you know; you can even visit http://www.loveisrespect.org/ for guidance, advice or just simply somewhere to relate. Stay positive and spread happiness, always.

LOVE=RESPECT

This week I decided to talk about a more serious topic, that being abusive relationships. The reason being is that the word abuse has many different definitions, which means an abusive relationship isn’t always physical, it could be verbal, mental, emotional, or sexual. Many people, including myself can fall into an abusive relationship without realizing it is happening. Love can be blind and we need to help guide those who can not see the truth.

Here are some signs that it might be an abusive relationship, to help you or someone you know. And since anyone whether male or female can be the victim or the abuser I won’t be using any gender specific pronouns.

Insults/ Puts you down:

If your partner constantly insults you in any way this is a form of verbal abuse. They will most likely attack your weight, intelligence, appearance, job, and mainly anything important to you. Some comments can be similar to these; “You’re so fat, its disgusting why don’t you lose some weight,” “Am I the only smart one in this relationship, you always say such dumb things,” “Why don’t you get a real job, it’s embarrassing to me.” Most likely they are going to make you feel like shit and build themselves up.  There is no acceptable reason for you to be put down by anyone. If someone you knew called you names it would be considered bullying so don’t make an exception because of “love.” If you want to talk to your partner about this problem they will probably use the excuse “it’s just a joke” at that point let them know that it hurts you and if things don’t change they’re not being considerate of your feelings so it’s best to walk away.

Forces/ pressures sexual encounters:

If at anytime you say no to your partner’s sexual advances and they don’t comply. They may even try to guilt you into things by putting you down, like I talked about above. Or they may use reverse psychology and give you compliments hoping to persuade you. But if it doesn’t feel right, no means no. If they do force you that is considered rape and at that point I advise you immediately to get out and speak to someone you trust about the situation. Never feel obligated to take part in sexual activities once again because of “love.” If someone loves you they respect you and your body. Sex should be a mutual connection between you and someone you love.

Possessive/Controlling

If your partner tries to dictate your life in any way. At first it might start off with small demands such as what to wear or how to do your hair. If you give in to these demands it can lead to more life changing decisions, those being, who you’re allowed to spend time with or places you can go. Most of the time they will try and keep you from the people you love like friends or family. They could also keep you away from activities and hobbies you enjoy. When this issue is brought up they will use the defense that they are looking out for your best interest and this is a convincing argument. Most victims of this type of abuse see it as their partner loving them too much. However at the end of the day no one should strip you from your individuality and happiness. If they don’t agree with a majority of your life choices  and try to make you into what they want, then that is not the person for you.

Plays victim

Someone who is an abuser is great at manipulation and there go to defense in an argument is to play the victim. They will turn everything around on you and make you feel as though you are the one who is wrong. They will use this tactic all the time especially during the situations described above. If you are always apologizing at the end of the argument even if it’s their fault that is a huge sign. This is one of the scariest parts of being in an abusive relationship because you start to believe you’re the one who’s causing all the problems. Which definitely has an effect on your sanity and mental health. You eventually begin blaming yourself and beating yourself up internally . If you notice this type of behavior repeatedly please do what is best for you and leave.

I really hoped this helped anyone who may feel they are in a relationship like this or may know someone who is. Please seek help or reach out to someone who needs help. Abusive relationships can also lead to self abuse such as an eating disorder, attempting suicide, alcohol or drug abuse and overall depression. No one deserves to be treated as if they are nothing. You are a beautiful human being who is entitled to respect and love. If you want to learn more,  here’s a site:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/

This website provides more information as well as contact information for help. (pass it along!)

-Melanie S.

Fuck Prince Charming

I kept it all to myself until it spilled onto this paper

Never let anyone see the real picture, always had a filter

You were my first shot of liquor and I needed a chaser

You played the victim so well, I thought I was the monster

If there was a movie of my life you would surely win an Oscar

You gave so much bullshit would have thought you were a farmer

But I know a bitch bigger than me and her names karma,

Oh boy you really thought you were a charmer

But we were cliché in every way, star crossed lovers,

Rome, Juliet, with so much to uncover, about the world,

about love and everything in between

High school sweethearts, barely sixteen

Thought I had it all, this is it he’s the one

Sound the wedding bells,

really wished someone would have set off the alarms

Cause you were the devil and I traded my soul

Got consumed into a black hole

Only light I ever saw was in your eyes,

Oh wait that was just the reflection of mine

Fell in love with the class clown, ended up as the punch line

I was stuck in a fairytale of lies until the clock finally struck midnight

So you can keep the glass slipper as a reminder of the old me

Fuck prince charming cause I’m already a queen.

-Melanie S.