Where Are You Christmas?

I awake to the sound of my phone alarm going off for the third time so I begrudgingly get out of bed. It’s December 25th, also known as Christmas day. Now I don’t mean to sound like the Grinch but today is just another day of the week for me. However I haven’t always felt this way, let’s rewind back to seven year old me. I awake barely having slept all night due to excitement. I run downstairs to see presents piled under the Christmas tree. Of course I was always the first to wake and too impatient to wait for my siblings. I would run to all their rooms waking them up myself. Once everyone was awake my mom would make cinnamon buns and we would watch the parade on T.V. I know it sounds like a movie right? Fast forward to twenty-one year old me living away from home waking up mid afternoon and traveling to my parents house. Once I arrive there I’ll see a pile of presents under the tree all marked for my nieces and nephews. I know it’s not about the presents and I love to see their faces light up when they open theirs. As I watch the joy in their faces I can’t help but feel sad knowing that one day they too will turn into the pessimistic adult I am today. As I get older each year I feel my holiday spirit slipping away. You start to realize that you may not have money to buy presents or if you’re in school all you can think about are finals rather than relaxing by a fire place. It’s not just Christmas either, it’s other holidays too such as Halloween. Once you hit a certain age it’s no longer acceptable for you to run around in a costume collecting candy. Just like now it would be weird if I waited to sit on Santa’s lap. The people around you no longer asking what you will be for Halloween or what you want for Christmas. We’re adults and we need to do adult things. I really wish I could fill myself with holiday cheer but I feel like I’m just going to have to settle for nostalgia and memories. Maybe I need my ghost of Christmas past to come and remind me not to be a Scrooge. I guess at a certain point in time we all wish to rewind the clocks and go back to when things were simple, before finding out that Santa isn’t real, there’s more on T.V then just cartoons and people won’t give you candy for dressing like a princess. As my imagination fades and reality takes over I find myself struggling to feel the joy I once did as a child.

-Melanie S.

How To Be Kickass At Your Summer Internship

This past summer I was fortunate enough to intern at a wonderful non-profit organization that fostered my energy and creativity and helped me use it in the best of ways. I’ve gained many new experiences and insights and it’s only fair that I share it all with you.

1. Ask Questions
   Be annoying. Be as annoying as you need to be but make sure you get the job done right. You’re going to be an even bigger pain in the ass if you don’t ask about something you’re unsure about and it causes a greater problem. So just ask. Use the forms of communication that are available in the office and pester away.
2. But also make sure to ask questions unrelated to work. Be curious. Ask about their personal lives. Ask about the previous jobs that your co workers held. Ask about favorite movies, T.V. shows, music. This helped me make relationships that were more than just professional. For example another intern and I bonded over Sense8. If you haven’t seen it already you need to stop reading right now, watch that, then come back 🙂 The show was a segway into something that was even greater and I’m honestly glad I got the chance to connect with her. At the end of the day you’re a human, they’re a human… so BE human.
3. Be Observant
   Really pay attention to the tasks being assigned to you. How do you feel about them? If you hated it, which parts did you hate? Why did you hate it? It’s important that instead of blindly getting jobs done, you use each project as an opportunity to find out something about yourself.
4. Be Honest
   Don’t lie to yourself. Admit your likes and dislikes for things. Don’t just agree with the group if you actually disagree. Voice your opinions when appropriate and be genuine. You’re there for a reason. No one wants you there just so you can file papers (I mean maybe they do but if that’s the case you probably don’t belong there anyway). You are brilliant and no one thinks in exactly the same way as you do. So speak your mind and give your input.
5. Ease Up
   Don’t be so hard on yourself. You WILL make mistakes. That’s okay. Some mistakes need to happen in order for lessons to be learned. Take it for what it is and move on.

You are going to be kickass one day. I’m going to be kickass one day. In order for us to get there we have to be open and receptive and think quickly on our feet. These four insights were just a few of many. I expect to gain many more as I move on to bigger and better things and you should too!

Letter to My Parents

“I’m trying to tell you how I feel.” She screamed.

“You’re overreacting.” Her mom responded.

“Overreacting? This is what I’m talking about; this is exactly what I try to tell you. You’re impossible to talk to.”

“What? I hear you.”

“Do you really hear me?” She said as she walked away.

She went into her room and shoved her head into her pillow to cry, screaming inside the cotton filled case. She decided to shower and let the warm water wash away the tears. She figured she could cry and yearn all she wanted in there without anyone bothering her.

She un-dressed; her naked body stepping into the dripping hot water. She crouched down so that her butt hit the cold tile of her shower, the palms of her hands pressed into her eyes as she wept. Her body convulsed in agony with uncontrollable tears.

She let the rest of her body collapse onto the floor, until the tears subsided. She reached a point where she was no longer crying, but left somehow unable to move. Her body sat, frozen, the steam of the hot water rising around her. She was all out of tears at the moment; all she could do was stare. She watched the steam bounce between the wall and the sliding glass door of the bathtub.

Her eyes found the razor that was lying at the corner of the tiled floor. She looked at the razor and back at her wrist; her skinny, dainty, smooth wrists. How lovely and how untouched, she thought, staring at the blue veins pushing out from behind her skin.

She picked it up and brushed it against her skin, lightly. She pushed out the blade and held it in her hand. She cried some more, it felt like all of her was flooding out.

Her body ached, it felt as though her insides were filled with broken pieces stabbing to be let out. She clutched her stomach in the midst of her ceaseless cries.

She looked back down at the blade and back at her wrist, her eyes dancing between both.

She stood up and stepped out of her shower, wrapping herself with a towel. She walked back to her room and jotted down a few things on a piece of paper that she had ripped out from a notebook.

The hot water still running.

She put the pen down and walked back to the bathroom, stepping back in and returning to her previous position.

She picked up the blade once more and took a deep breath.

And on her desk was a piece of paper that read:

Letter to my parents,

I was in pain,

And you didn’t hear me.

No one could.

The water continued to drip.

– Danielle Sheehan

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If you or anyone you know are feeling, sad, lost or confused, please know that there is always someone who cares and wants to hear you. There is always someone who can relate, so please seek help to US, or ANYONE you know; you can even visit http://www.loveisrespect.org/ for guidance, advice or just simply somewhere to relate. Stay positive and spread happiness, always.